What if the key to true happiness isn’t seeking approval but embracing the courage to be disliked? The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga presents a thought-provoking conversation based on Adlerian psychology, challenging the belief that our past, circumstances, or other people dictate our happiness. Instead, the book teaches that we have the power to change our lives by shifting our mindset and taking full responsibility for our choices. Are you ready to break free from the fear of judgment and live life on your own terms?

10 Lessons from The Courage to Be Disliked

1. Your Past Does Not Define You

Unlike Freud, who believed past experiences shape us, Adlerian psychology argues that it’s not what happened to us, but how we interpret and respond to it that matters. You are not bound by your past unless you choose to be.

2. All Problems Are Interpersonal Relationship Problems

Much of our suffering comes from comparing ourselves to others, seeking approval, or fearing rejection. True happiness comes from freeing yourself from these external expectations.

3. Choosing to Be Happy is an Act of Courage

Happiness is not something we find—it’s something we choose. However, choosing happiness requires letting go of excuses, victimhood, and the need for validation from others.

4. Stop Seeking Approval from Others

Living for others\' approval is a never-ending cycle. Instead, focus on what truly matters to you, even if it means being disliked. Not everyone will understand or support your choices, and that’s okay.

5. Separation of Tasks: Focus Only on What You Can Control

One of the book’s most powerful concepts is the separation of tasks—understanding what is your responsibility versus what is someone else’s. Stop trying to control how others feel or react; instead, focus on your own choices and actions.

6. Freedom Comes from Letting Go of Praise and Criticism

Just as we shouldn’t seek approval, we also shouldn’t fear criticism. When we detach our self-worth from others’ opinions, we gain true freedom.

7. Life is Simple, But We Make It Complicated

We often create unnecessary struggles by overanalyzing, comparing, or worrying about the future. A fulfilling life is based on living in the present and focusing on what we can do now.

8. The Real Meaning of Contribution

Adlerian psychology suggests that true happiness comes from feeling that we are making a meaningful contribution to others—not by people-pleasing, but by authentically offering value in a way that aligns with our purpose.

9. The Courage to Be Disliked Leads to True Freedom

Trying to please everyone means sacrificing your authenticity. When you embrace being disliked, you stop living by others’ expectations and start living for yourself.

10. You Are Enough as You Are

You don’t need to prove yourself to anyone. You are already enough, just as you are. Accepting this allows you to live with confidence, authenticity, and purpose.

Conclusion

The Courage to Be Disliked is a powerful guide to personal freedom and self-acceptance. By rejecting the need for external validation, focusing only on what we can control, and choosing happiness on our own terms, we unlock the ability to live a fulfilling life. The book teaches that true confidence comes from within, and the courage to be disliked is the courage to be free.