\"The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing\" by Beverly Engel is a powerful and practical guide that examines the destructive cycle of emotional abuse from both sides—the victim and the abuser—while offering concrete steps for breaking free and fostering healthier relationships. Engel explains that emotional abuse, though often less visible than physical violence, can be equally damaging, eroding self-esteem, self-trust, and emotional stability over time. She defines the various forms it takes—criticism, humiliation, manipulation, control, withholding affection, and gaslighting—and shows how these behaviors create toxic relational dynamics. The book also highlights the subtle, often insidious ways emotional abuse develops, leaving victims confused and doubting their own perceptions.

A unique strength of Engel’s work is her dual focus: she not only empowers victims to recognize abuse, set boundaries, and heal from trauma, but also addresses those who may themselves be engaging in abusive patterns, often unconsciously repeating behaviors learned from childhood or past relationships. She emphasizes that abusers, too, can change—if they are willing to confront their behaviors, understand the roots of their actions, and learn healthier ways to express anger, fear, and vulnerability. Through exercises, self-assessments, and step-by-step strategies, Engel helps readers build self-awareness, practice self-care, and develop assertiveness without aggression.

Ultimately, The Emotionally Abusive Relationship is both a survival manual and a roadmap for transformation. It encourages victims to reclaim their voice and autonomy, while urging abusers to take responsibility and commit to personal growth. Engel’s compassionate yet direct approach makes the book a vital resource for anyone caught in the cycle of emotional abuse—whether seeking to break free from being controlled or determined to stop causing harm—offering hope that with insight, accountability, and healing, truly respectful and loving relationships are possible.